Simply Put

It has been one heck of  a year for us...and it is amazing to think of all the things we have been thru, or done in this past year.  I don't think we could have possibly fit in anything else into 2009.  It was literally, jam-packed.  Although, it took us down some pretty bumpy (we're talking potholes the size of the Grand Canyon), it has also brought us to a beautiful, serene, resting spot. I could not have picked a better end to 2009.
So, here we go again.......

Every year, like people all over the world, I make a list.  For some people these lists last a week, a month or even the whole year.  I have been pretty good about setting goals in the past, that I somehow manage to meet by the end of the year.  Sure, sometimes my list seems a little wishy-washy.  Kiss my kids every single day, say I love you to my husband every night.  Easy Peasy.  Every year I resolve to do more, do less, be something.  This year, part of my list (the important part) has already been formed, spoken, and voiced to various people. 

Because, this year I realize I do the best that I can....my kids and husband know I love them.  I am a good mom, I am a good wife.  This year, in 2010 I am going to do something good for me....and in turn, my family
will also be rewarded from my resolution.

 My resolution is to SIMPLIFY my life.   The goal is to declutter the areas of my life that are weighing me down.  This will include cutting out negative people, activities that suck the life and time away from what is important to me.  I will simply eliminate things that do not add happiness to my life. 



1) Simplify socially, I will facebook socialize less, and share less with people I hardly know...I will socialize less with people who are negative and filled with drama.


2) Simplify driving- I will not answer my phone while driving. Good thing Kyle drives most of the time.

3) Simplify our eating, going back to the natural, healthy, basics...(this does not mean simpler meals like Hamburger Helper, it actually means the opposite-- more from scratch, know exactly what is in your meal kind of meals) 

4) Simplify my entertainment- Play more board games, play with my kids, play with my husband (don't be dirty, I was talking about the wii).  Really let myself forget the complexities of life, and roll on the floor with laughter with my children, without ever letting the thought of a bill that needs to be paid or a ringing phone disturb us.


5) Simplify my liquid intake.  Again, less complex drinks (wine, margaritas, beer) and more good ol' H20.  I can't bring myself to getting rid of coffee--but,it really isn't all that complex, is it?

6) Simplify my closet and my makeup case.

7) Simplify my relationships with my husband and kids- No matter what, simply Love them.


8) Simplify my scrapbooking style, so that I can catch up!

The last one is not simple, but it has to be done-- I need to find out what I want to do when my kids go off to school in less than 2 years.  Do I go back to get my masters? If so, in what?  Do I find another job teaching?  Do I change my entire career path?  Do I open my own business?  I have been a mommy for the past few years, I haven't put much thought into the next step for me...but, I do know that I am not the type to sit at home til the kids get home...

Oh, also...I hope to get re-engaged in 2010 ;)   Isn't that exciting!!



So, with this-- I give an eager "goodbye," to 2009, and I look excitedly ahead to 2010

Happy New Year.

See you in 2010.

Messy Love

I have had pretty good luck with potty training with my first being a daughter.  Then my son came--and we keep getting close, but then we slide down that slippery slope made of pullups and wipies.

2 days ago, he was quiet.  Every mother of a toddler boy, knows that when it is quiet--there  is something wrong.  So, I called for him, and he didn't answer--then I asked if he was going, "potty," in his pants--and he said from the bathroom-- "no."  But, in that shaky voice, I knew he was.  I swung open the door, thinking I would find a boy standing in the diaper, not on the toilet, doing his business. 

Instead, I found my sweet boy, pants off, sitting upon his potty, doing his business...in the potty, by himself, in the potty....WOOHOO!   (Did I mention, in the potty?!!)  He looked at me, and put his hand up, and said. "please, go now."  I understood quickly, he wanted his privacy.  After he was done, we threw him a little vocal praise party-- let him call grandma, the whole 9 yards.

Then yesterday, Jaxen told me he had to go potty, so he went into the bathroom and did not want my help.  I let him have his privacy, thinking this was the key to the potty training for him alll along.  After a little bit of time had passed, he ran to me, excitement all over his face--saying he did it- he pooped in the potty!  Again, I was happy for him, and as he walked away I saw traces of his "business" on his little cheeks.  Uh-oh.

I told him we needed to clean up a little, and we went to the bathroom together-- where I walked in on a very big, mess. ( I am trying not to use too many descriptive words, for fear of gagging).  It was smeared on the toilet seat, and on the floor.  I started to clean him up first, and as I was wiping him down-- he began to say in a soft voice, "forgive me...forgive me?"  This was the first time I have ever heard him apologize in this way, and it made me smile through my frustration.  I told him of course I forgave him.  I explained to him that if he needed help, he needed to let mommy help him, and it was okay to ask for help.  He then looked up at me, with sweet eyes, and said..."friends?"  This I have heard before, and I love it when he says it, and reaches to hold my hand as he says it.  I told him we would always be friends, no matter how big the mess. 

And, as I went to take his hand, I said..., "Is that poop on your hand."  He looked down at his right hand, and said without hesitation or embarassment, "yes."  And, then he looked at his left hand, and said..."not this one."  I had to laugh.  He saw the positive in this stinky situation, he saw no mountain (or pile of sh*%) standing in his way , to show his mommy how much he loved her and was sorry. 

How could one not learn and be humbled by this act of determination and love.  My 2 year old, "terror," full of undying, unwavering, messy love---He truly amazes and inspires me.

So, yes, Alexis was easier and less messy to potty train, but Jaxen shows me how to love in the midst of any kind of CRAP.

The Cleaning Fairy makes me so Happy, I could...

One evening I informed my daughter that she had to tidy up her room, before anything else the next morning.  She agreed, however. the next morning she slept in...for a very long time.  I thought she must be getting sick, and needed her sleep- so I let her sleep.  I took the opportunity to tidy her room for her, before she awoke.

When she did wake up, she went to her room to clean it--only to find it was already clean.  She ran downstairs, ecstatic that someone had cleaned her room for her.  The only possibly conclusion, she could come up with is that a, "cleaning fairy" must have done it while she slept. 

Being a mom, that believes in miracles-- I didn't tell her otherwise. 

2 days later, my sweet 4-year old daughter was still revelling in the amazing, "cleaning fairy."  She asked me that evening, if the cleaning fairy would clean her room again...  Being very suspicious of this question, I went to her room--to see a very big mess.  I told her that the, "cleaning fairy," may or may not come, but that maybe it would be nice to surprise her with a clean room.  So, she cleaned up her room, and crawled into bed.

As we were doing our bedtime routine, we talked about our favorite part of the day, and said our prayers:
"Dear God, thanks for sending me a cleaning fairy, and please send my mom one to help clean up my dad's stuff.  Amen."   (oops, I guess I shouldn't complain about picking up daddy's dirty clothes anymore)

Our conversation about the fairy continued:

"Do you think God will send you a cleaning fairy, mommy?"
"Yep, I am sure whatever cleaning fairy cleaned your room, will clean my room." (sneaky, huh?)

"Do you think I will ever see the fairy in real life, mommy...or, does she only come out at night?" 
hmmmm...
"Sure, sweetie, we will probably see a real fairy when we go to Disney World."
"Will we see other characters, too?"
"Yes, we will see Cinderella, Buzz Lightyear..."

My son joins the conversation
"BUZZ LIGHTYEAR???!?!?!"
"Yes, Buzz Lightyear."

"I would be so happy, so happy, I would poop."

Wait a second....

"what?"

Yep, that's what he said....

"You mean, like, you would be so happy you would poop in the potty, right?"
"right."

phew.

I can only come up with 2 reasons for this strangely funny comment from my 2 year old son.  He equates mommy's happiness of him pooping in the potty, with a high level of happiness.  Or, he would be so happy he would always poop in the potty--like a trade off.  However that comment came to be, I will laugh about it for a long time....when he is not looking of course--- ;)

Tears

Tears are a funny thing-- I can go weeks without shedding a one.  But, then there are times that I can't seem to skip a day from shedding a tear or two.  Tears are a cleansing way to refresh ones soul.  And, I have learned that, without a soft heart, it is hard to allow yourself to succumb to the release tears can offer you.

Today, I spent my first afternoon with my son in the ER.  A neighborhood puppy knocked him down, and he hit the back of his head-- and you know how those heads can bleed.  He was scared, and I was scared.  I cannot stand to see my babies hurting, and I cannot stand not being in control of the situation.  I kept my cool, scooping him up and holding him tight--whispering softly to calm him down. 

As we tried to get it cleaned up enough so we could see what kind of gash we were looking at--  emotions were running high.  Jaxen was still scared, shaking and crying, Alexis was nervous and worried, and I was overwhelmed with emotion. 

I wanted to hold Alexis, and comfort her as she was worried for her brother, to tell her everything would be alright.  Instead I had to hold Jaxen close to me, and simply wink at her- letting her know with a simple gesture that mommy had it under control.  Inside, I felt like the control I had on the situation was gaining, but the control I had on my emotions was quickly slipping. 

I held Jaxen while trying to keep his head down, and let Daddy clean it-- I couldn't bare to look yet, because I am nothing short of a coward, when it comes to my children being hurt.  I literally shudder, thinking about looking at it as I write this.  I don't prefer looking at wounds--but, could honestly say that most wounds on other people don't phase me, but when it is your baby, everything changes. 

I tried to joke and keep Jaxen's mind off of the situation--and then it started...tears.  I had been keeping it together, holding it together for Alexis, for Jaxen, for Kyle, for the neighbors that came over to check on Jaxen, and for me...and then  I couldn't.  I didn't sob, I just allowed warm tears to fall, reminding me that it is okay to hurt for your babies. 

Sure, I thought that it may scare my kids that their mommy was crying, but it is also important for them to know--that mommy doesn't always have it under control, and sometimes I am scared and worried.  But, that together we can work through it--and we did.  I am sure that there will be many more times that we find ourselves in the ER with our son--and there will be even more times that we have to face things together, where tears will fall.  I just pray that my heart remains soft enough, to allow those tears to come. 

Jaxen wound up getting his head glued back together, at the ER-- and he was a very brave boy.   I was so proud of his fearlessness.  I am also thankful for the concerned neighbors and a "calm," grandma on the phone.  She kept me calm, (afterall, she raised a very similar boy, and is a nurse)--even though I know, after I hung up with her she probably shed a tear or two too.  It's what we do. 

Daddy Love

I know it's important for our kids to spend quality time with both their mom and dad, but often times I am the one who gets the quality time with the kids.  My DH is working and when he is at home, so is mom--so, the kids tend to cling to the one they have been with all day. 

Last night, it was ladies night at one of our friends homes--so I went and stayed for a few hours, and past the kids' bedtime.  Daddy was in charge for dinner, for play and for the goodnight kisses.  Because I have such a great husband, I never felt guilty about not being home, or worried that he wouldn't get the, "job done."
I came home to a quiet house, and had a chance to talk to my husband before we  both went to bed.  He had enjoyed his evening, ordered pizza, had a tickle fight, and watched a movie with the babies. 

It was not until this morning, that I realized how much the kids need and want that special daddy-time.  Alexis woke up, happy to see her daddy.  She woke up wanting to cuddle and read with him.  She kissed him goodbye, and watched as he drove away, not able to tear her eyes away from him, for as long as she could see him.  She also, hasn't stopped talking about him, since he left. 

I KNEW that the time with her daddy did wonders for her soul.  It did  wonders for her daddy's soul too- because he wanted to sit and read with her, he wanted an extra hug goodbye, he couldn't stop telling her, how much he loved her.  Don't get me wrong- they have always loved time together, and loved each other.  But, somehow this quality time together, refreshed their love for each other somehow. 

Love between 2 people, is like silver-- It is always silver, although without the time invested in keeping it shiny--it becomes dingy.  We all are guilty of letting our love become dingy, when life gets busy.  But, I am glad that it is never too hard to get back that shine.  And, yes--I do believe they were both "shining" with love this morning for one another--

I am thankful to be married to a daddy who takes time for his daughter, and loves his wife and children with everything he has-because it is from her daddy, that she will learn how she should be treated one day.

Perfect for Me

As our wedding anniversary and Thanksgiving approaches this month, I feel really inspired to write about my loving husband.  I am a very blessed wife and mother- because of him.  We have been through some very tough spots, -- but, we held out and held on to one another.  We don't believe in giving up, and we don't expect that marriage is easy.

I am thankful that my husband is supportive and encouraging to me in whatever I decide to do-- he literally just wants me to be happy.  He doesn't resent me for wanting to stay at home with the kids, nor does he wish it were different.  He doesn't pressure me into doing what he wants, or even what he thinks is best--instead, he respects my decisions and feelings.  He does not tell me what to do, who to be friends with (even after I have thrown a little bitty fit about a friend), when to cook for dinner, or how much to spend on my hair ;).  He loves me and treats me with the same respect when he comes home to a perfectly clean house/grilled steak/quiet kids as he does when I have spent the day shopping and the house is a mess.

I know that this should be the norm for marriages, but it all honesty it isn't...and that is why I consider myself to be one of the "lucky" ones.  After being home all day with kids, he can look at me and know that I need a mommy time-out, spent at Target.  He encourages me to spend time with friends, encourages me to be a better person, and encourages me to take care of me.  I am thankful every single day for a man who can be so loving and caring towards the woman who can buy every pair of shoes she comes across ;p.

I also have to mention his ability to cook a mean gourmet dinner, pick the perfect bottle of wine and do any handiwork around the house or car---he never minds watching the kids for me, or the kid of a friend who I want to spend girl-time with.

Now, all that being said--like any person, he is not perfect--so, don't read this and then go tell your own husband what he should or shouldn't be.  We do argue, we do know how to push each other's buttons, and we both have our flaws---but, he is PERFECT for ME--and that is all I could ever hope for.

Happy Anniversary to my Perfect Husband-- I love you and I love the life we have created together.

Before I was a Mom

I have seen many of these little, "stories," in the 4+ years that I have been a mom-- and they always have statements that ring true--but, as I was gutting a pie pumpkin this morning, I started to think of all the things that have changed with me--since I have become a mom.

Before I was a mom I wouldn't blink twice to spend $200 on a pair of jeans I wanted, but the mom I am now, prides myself on shopping for great deals, and rarely spending more than $20 on a pair of jeans for me, yet spending $200 for children's "activities."

Before I was a mom I never thought to make a pumpkin pie, and now that I am a mom--I never think about not making the pumpkin filling from scratch.

Before I was a mom, I knew who I was, but not what I was capable of.

Before I was a mom, I wanted to change the world by teaching our youth, now my own youth teach me--and I am changing their world simply by loving them.

Before I was a mom, I wanted to see the world- but now that I am a mom, I am satisfied seeing the world thru the eyes of my children.

Before I was a mom, I never fixed lunch and then forgot to eat it.

Before I was a mom, I had no idea what being selfless was.

Before I was a mom, I didn't NEED coffee.

Before I was a mom, I could sleep thru anything, and now I will wake with intuition or at the slightest hiccup.

Before I was a mom, I had my life all planned out, and now my plans are altered for what's best for my children.

Before I was a mom, I flinched at scary movies- now nothing scares me--because I have/had a toddler.

Before I was a mom, I found time to lay around- and do nothing.

Before I was a mom,  I decorated my house in Americana, now I decorate my house in "kid".

Before I was a mom, snotty noses made me gag--

Before I was a mom, my heart never stopped beating in that brief instant when you turn around and your child isn't where you thought they were.

Before I was a mother, I drove fast, and lived life to the fullest--now I play it safe--not because of my future-but, because of theirs.

Before I was a mother, I dreamed of my future-- now I see my future every single day.

Before I was a mother, I never worried about what was "in" any pre-made food--now, I try to from-scratch everything.

Before I was a mother, I didn't feel the desire to document every memory, every picture- (scrapbooking)

Before I was a mother, I could clean the house and it would stay clean for longer than an hour.


However, some things never change--
I still love to shop, I still love high heels- (I actually, had a mother stop me once, wondering how I managed to hold on to a toddler and carry a baby seat, all in heels)
I will still see the world, after we see DisneyWorld.
I still have trouble sharing my Moose Tracks-- even with my kids :).
I still act silly- but sometimes those times include giggling in bed with all 4 members in our family--
I still go out for girls night, enjoy a glass of wine, and a date night.


My kids have changed me- and I like who I have become because of them.  Although, they may not see the change- I hope that they will listen and believe me--as I tell them how different I was before-

For the many mothers out there, take a quick glance at how life was before kids--and tell me what has been the biggest change for you since you became a mother/grandmother/aunt?