Dream with me

My sweet daughter, loves to dream with me.  Sometiems she asks me what I want to dream about, and I make up some elaborate setting for our dreams to take place.  Other times, she knows exactly what she wants to dream about, and she tells me about the setting, or character I will play in these dreams.  Then she says, "See you in my dreams..." and we go to our beds. 

Now, of course I don't really get to choose my dreams-- and most often I don't even remember my dreams.  I wonder if she really dreams, what we've talked about, or if they are just settings and events she thinks about before drifting off to sleep.  Either way, it is a sweet way to part from one another.

Every once in awhile, we get caught up in our daily events, and we forget to talk about the dreams we will meet each other in.  It was after one of those evenings, that Alexis sat at the breakfast table, eager to tell me about her dream.

"Mom, do you want to hear about my dream?"
Without blinking, I sleepily answer, "sure."  I thought I would hear an elaborate story of princesses and castles, or of riding an elephant in a circus, or of being a Musketeer.  Instead, I heard something that shook me out of my sleepiness, faster than any cup of coffee.
"I found this wishing well, and I made a wish."
"uh-huh."
"Do you know what I wished for?"
"no...what?"
Here it comes....With more excitement than any mother is ready for at 7:30am..."I wished for my boyfriend, and he appeared...and he had blonde hair and green eyes, and he was so handsome, that I almost kissed him before we got married...."

My eyes were wide open, questions and concerns replaced the fuzzy nothingness in my head, and my heart beat just a bit faster. I tried to stay calm, and not act like this dream came as a shock, as I looked at my 4 year old daughter.

"Wait, you wished for your boyfriend?"
"yeah, and he was so handsome, that I almost kissed him before we got married.?"
"So, did you kiss him before you got married...?"
"No, mom- I can't kiss him til I get married...."

I am sure I couldn't hide my sigh of relief.  Not, that we are a family that believes there should be no kissing before marriage, but we are a family that is postponing any dating for our children til they are at least over 4 :).  In all seriousness, Alexis will probably not be able to date until she is 16. 
We want our children to become who God intends them to become, before stifling their unique personalities or losing their deserved innocence,  by dating too soon.  I wouldn't say we are over-protective, but we also come from homes that encouraged allowing children to be just that....children.  There is no good reason, to rush them through this special and important time in their lives. 

I also understand, as I write these words that things may happen differently, that what I expect--and that life will do it's best at surprising me.  Parenting in general, has surprised me.  I had an ideal of what parenting was, and how I would parent--and the steps I would take in rearing and raising my children.  And, I am sure I am not the first to say, that after you actually become a parent-- any ideals you might have had, are completely BLOWN out of the water, leaving you with only a trace of what you expected. 

Then of course, when you think you have found your footing in parenting, then you have another child-- OR, your child gets older.  Parenting is an unending obstacle course, with new challenges at every age.  But, I honestly Thank God for these challenges, because it means I AM a parent, and love my kids enough to care about the challenges of parenting them.

Am I confident that I am making all the right decisions in parenting--nope, are any of us?
But, I am confident that no matter what they do, I will love my kids--and we will get through it. 

In the meantime, I will be proud that my daughter is saving her first kiss for her handsome, blonde hair, green eyed boyfriend for marriage.  And, without a doubt, I will keep any blonde hair, green-eyed boys far, far, far away from my daughter.  Just in case. ;)

Proud Momma

As a mother, there are those times that make you as proud as a peacock.  Some of those moments, are expected--and then there are those times that come out of the blue, and leave you speechless. Although, I
am proud of my kids when they show excellence in things--

I was proud of Jaxen when he learned how to get dressed himself, or Alexis when she learned how to read and write--but those, are all things that I expect to happen. However, it is not the same kind of pride I feel when I realize they are becoming the kind of person I want them and God wants them to become. These are the moments, that let you realize in a flash, that you are doing a great job raising a well-balanced, loving, smart, caring child.

Like today, as I sat next to my 2 yr. old son on the couch.  He had 2 little blankets, one on him and one next to him.  I left the one on him, and pulled the other one on top of me.  He looked at me, with love in his eyes, because he was happy I was sitting next to him.  And, then this conversation took place.

"That's for my sissy." (the blanket)
"oh. I'll give it back to her."
"No, I'll give her mine." -- what???!  I'll give her mine, a 2 year old giving up his blanket for his sister, so mommy can have one and sister can have one--and him left without.  I was shocked and so very proud.  To be fair, he is almost 3-- but, all the same, it was a genuine gesture that some adults would not make. 

Jaxen is becoming such a sweet, loving boy.  Sure, he still likes to play hard and get into everything-- but, at the end of the day what is important to me, is that he is growing into a man I can be proud of raising.  I am thankful for those moments, that take me by surprise and remind me that we, as parents are on the right track.  Because, I need encouragement, like every other parent out there.  I need to know I am doing a good job raising a son and a daughter.

Bye-bye Baby

 I know my 2 children will always be my babies, but when is someone's baby, no longer a baby?

My youngest, is just about to turn 3- and I have been thinking about this a lot lately.  I love so many things about his baby-self,  including his round little face, his hand dimples, and the sweet way he talks.  So, as these things start to disappear, I wonder if my baby is disappearing also. 

Sure I will be proud when he can say "yogurt," instead of "ogurt" but-- a part of my heart will also break.  His accomplishments, are steps to him becoming a, "big boy," and that is the scariest part for me.

When I look down at his hands, and there are knuckles where his hand dimples used to be, I think I might actually cry.  These are all small changes, that happen overtime-- but the end result is the bittersweet reality I am not ready to face.   Because, I can't bare the thought of him not wanting to "nuggle" me in the mornings or bare the thought of him not wanting my hugs and kisses. 

Don't get me wrong- I do not miss the sleepless nights, the teething, the baby food, the diapers, the spitup and so on, and so on....

I just wish I could freeze time- my daughter could stay 4 and my son could stay 2 til the end of time...okay, maybe that's not such a good idea.  But, I just want to reiterate how fast time truly does go when raising children.  Which is my favorite quote remains to be, " The days are long, but the years are short." 

It could only have been a parent that wrote that-- and probably a mother.  Any mother knows how very long days can be with a cranky toddler or a colicky baby.  The patience it takes to get through one single day, as the laundry and dishes pile up, and you can't even fit in a 5 minute shower.  A day can seem to last forever-- but, even so- at the end of that day, while you lay in bed in the silence you have been praying for all day...you realize how quickly the years are going by with your baby.  You see the time in fast forward- and all you can do is long to hold and be with that child that drove you crazy all day long.

So, I do what any mother would do-- I deprive myself of a little more sleep- so I can go stare at my sleeping baby, while they are still a baby. 

WE will not be a Statistic

If 50% of marriages end in divorce-- it begs the question....why? Do they get married too young? Do people change? Do they make an unforgivable mistake?

The percentage is higher, the younger you get married-- I am in the 2nd tier of risk, since I was 24, had I waited one more year, our statistics would have been better.  What were we thinking?!

Here is another statistic:

50% of women cheat on their husbands at some point in their marriage and 60% of men cheat on their wives.   Which means....that someone is having an affair in 80% of all marriages!!! OMG- isn't that positively ridiculous to think about?!  Forgive the overuse of exclamation and question marks, but I am honestly shocked!

I knew the number had to be high, since it seems like every time you turn around you hear about the unthinkable.  But, 80% and yet, the divorce rate is only 50%.  (I am sure there is some crossover like both husband and wife cheating in one marriage) I don't know if we should be proud or ashamed that are divorce rate is less than our cheating rate?

All I do know, is that it makes me incredibly sad.  Sad, that we cannot be faithful to our spouses, sad that we have let our society become so full of adultery.  I am not lecturing, I am not preaching, I am just having trouble finding faith in marriage, in the vows all married people spoke before God, in people.   I have lost faith, I have lost trust in those around me.

I struggle with naivety.  I think the best of people, until I am proven wrong.  (When 2 people wander off together, I am not thinking about them doing anything wrong-- I am the one shocked when I find out that they did do something wrong. )  I am trying to be less naive, and trying to see the world for what it really is.  But, with this comes a loss of innocence, that I am not sure I am ready to give up at even (almost) 30 years old.  I want to see the good in people, I want to hope for the good in people, I want to trust, I want to have faith in promises made.  I want to believe in love, I want to believe in marriage.

As a couple, Kyle and I know more married people that have been divorced than not-- and we are not that old yet.  We are not even in our 30's yet.  Those of you are in your 30's or almost-- and not married yet, consider yourselves lucky-- your chances of getting divorced are much lower than mine.

So, as I sit here and think about the looming doom of divorce rates-- I glance toward my husband, and I know- that I trust him, I love him, I have faith in us.  We are not a number on a page, we are not a percentage point.  We are Sarah and Kyle, husband and wife, mother and father of 2 beautiful children-- that's it.   If the whole world crumbles around us, (which apparently 50-60% of the world is)  our family will keep our eyes up, our hope alive with our hands held.  It's him and I, against the world of statistics.  With God, we will prevail.

For those of you who have been divorced, or are going through a divorce- my heart goes out to you.  I know there is pain and hurt that I could not even fathom.  I am sure it is one of the hardest things you have done.  I pray for you, and your ex-spouse and any children that may be involved.  I pray that you find peace and joy in 2010 and that love surrounds you and your family.

Simply Put

It has been one heck of  a year for us...and it is amazing to think of all the things we have been thru, or done in this past year.  I don't think we could have possibly fit in anything else into 2009.  It was literally, jam-packed.  Although, it took us down some pretty bumpy (we're talking potholes the size of the Grand Canyon), it has also brought us to a beautiful, serene, resting spot. I could not have picked a better end to 2009.
So, here we go again.......

Every year, like people all over the world, I make a list.  For some people these lists last a week, a month or even the whole year.  I have been pretty good about setting goals in the past, that I somehow manage to meet by the end of the year.  Sure, sometimes my list seems a little wishy-washy.  Kiss my kids every single day, say I love you to my husband every night.  Easy Peasy.  Every year I resolve to do more, do less, be something.  This year, part of my list (the important part) has already been formed, spoken, and voiced to various people. 

Because, this year I realize I do the best that I can....my kids and husband know I love them.  I am a good mom, I am a good wife.  This year, in 2010 I am going to do something good for me....and in turn, my family
will also be rewarded from my resolution.

 My resolution is to SIMPLIFY my life.   The goal is to declutter the areas of my life that are weighing me down.  This will include cutting out negative people, activities that suck the life and time away from what is important to me.  I will simply eliminate things that do not add happiness to my life. 



1) Simplify socially, I will facebook socialize less, and share less with people I hardly know...I will socialize less with people who are negative and filled with drama.


2) Simplify driving- I will not answer my phone while driving. Good thing Kyle drives most of the time.

3) Simplify our eating, going back to the natural, healthy, basics...(this does not mean simpler meals like Hamburger Helper, it actually means the opposite-- more from scratch, know exactly what is in your meal kind of meals) 

4) Simplify my entertainment- Play more board games, play with my kids, play with my husband (don't be dirty, I was talking about the wii).  Really let myself forget the complexities of life, and roll on the floor with laughter with my children, without ever letting the thought of a bill that needs to be paid or a ringing phone disturb us.


5) Simplify my liquid intake.  Again, less complex drinks (wine, margaritas, beer) and more good ol' H20.  I can't bring myself to getting rid of coffee--but,it really isn't all that complex, is it?

6) Simplify my closet and my makeup case.

7) Simplify my relationships with my husband and kids- No matter what, simply Love them.


8) Simplify my scrapbooking style, so that I can catch up!

The last one is not simple, but it has to be done-- I need to find out what I want to do when my kids go off to school in less than 2 years.  Do I go back to get my masters? If so, in what?  Do I find another job teaching?  Do I change my entire career path?  Do I open my own business?  I have been a mommy for the past few years, I haven't put much thought into the next step for me...but, I do know that I am not the type to sit at home til the kids get home...

Oh, also...I hope to get re-engaged in 2010 ;)   Isn't that exciting!!



So, with this-- I give an eager "goodbye," to 2009, and I look excitedly ahead to 2010

Happy New Year.

See you in 2010.

Messy Love

I have had pretty good luck with potty training with my first being a daughter.  Then my son came--and we keep getting close, but then we slide down that slippery slope made of pullups and wipies.

2 days ago, he was quiet.  Every mother of a toddler boy, knows that when it is quiet--there  is something wrong.  So, I called for him, and he didn't answer--then I asked if he was going, "potty," in his pants--and he said from the bathroom-- "no."  But, in that shaky voice, I knew he was.  I swung open the door, thinking I would find a boy standing in the diaper, not on the toilet, doing his business. 

Instead, I found my sweet boy, pants off, sitting upon his potty, doing his business...in the potty, by himself, in the potty....WOOHOO!   (Did I mention, in the potty?!!)  He looked at me, and put his hand up, and said. "please, go now."  I understood quickly, he wanted his privacy.  After he was done, we threw him a little vocal praise party-- let him call grandma, the whole 9 yards.

Then yesterday, Jaxen told me he had to go potty, so he went into the bathroom and did not want my help.  I let him have his privacy, thinking this was the key to the potty training for him alll along.  After a little bit of time had passed, he ran to me, excitement all over his face--saying he did it- he pooped in the potty!  Again, I was happy for him, and as he walked away I saw traces of his "business" on his little cheeks.  Uh-oh.

I told him we needed to clean up a little, and we went to the bathroom together-- where I walked in on a very big, mess. ( I am trying not to use too many descriptive words, for fear of gagging).  It was smeared on the toilet seat, and on the floor.  I started to clean him up first, and as I was wiping him down-- he began to say in a soft voice, "forgive me...forgive me?"  This was the first time I have ever heard him apologize in this way, and it made me smile through my frustration.  I told him of course I forgave him.  I explained to him that if he needed help, he needed to let mommy help him, and it was okay to ask for help.  He then looked up at me, with sweet eyes, and said..."friends?"  This I have heard before, and I love it when he says it, and reaches to hold my hand as he says it.  I told him we would always be friends, no matter how big the mess. 

And, as I went to take his hand, I said..., "Is that poop on your hand."  He looked down at his right hand, and said without hesitation or embarassment, "yes."  And, then he looked at his left hand, and said..."not this one."  I had to laugh.  He saw the positive in this stinky situation, he saw no mountain (or pile of sh*%) standing in his way , to show his mommy how much he loved her and was sorry. 

How could one not learn and be humbled by this act of determination and love.  My 2 year old, "terror," full of undying, unwavering, messy love---He truly amazes and inspires me.

So, yes, Alexis was easier and less messy to potty train, but Jaxen shows me how to love in the midst of any kind of CRAP.

The Cleaning Fairy makes me so Happy, I could...

One evening I informed my daughter that she had to tidy up her room, before anything else the next morning.  She agreed, however. the next morning she slept in...for a very long time.  I thought she must be getting sick, and needed her sleep- so I let her sleep.  I took the opportunity to tidy her room for her, before she awoke.

When she did wake up, she went to her room to clean it--only to find it was already clean.  She ran downstairs, ecstatic that someone had cleaned her room for her.  The only possibly conclusion, she could come up with is that a, "cleaning fairy" must have done it while she slept. 

Being a mom, that believes in miracles-- I didn't tell her otherwise. 

2 days later, my sweet 4-year old daughter was still revelling in the amazing, "cleaning fairy."  She asked me that evening, if the cleaning fairy would clean her room again...  Being very suspicious of this question, I went to her room--to see a very big mess.  I told her that the, "cleaning fairy," may or may not come, but that maybe it would be nice to surprise her with a clean room.  So, she cleaned up her room, and crawled into bed.

As we were doing our bedtime routine, we talked about our favorite part of the day, and said our prayers:
"Dear God, thanks for sending me a cleaning fairy, and please send my mom one to help clean up my dad's stuff.  Amen."   (oops, I guess I shouldn't complain about picking up daddy's dirty clothes anymore)

Our conversation about the fairy continued:

"Do you think God will send you a cleaning fairy, mommy?"
"Yep, I am sure whatever cleaning fairy cleaned your room, will clean my room." (sneaky, huh?)

"Do you think I will ever see the fairy in real life, mommy...or, does she only come out at night?" 
hmmmm...
"Sure, sweetie, we will probably see a real fairy when we go to Disney World."
"Will we see other characters, too?"
"Yes, we will see Cinderella, Buzz Lightyear..."

My son joins the conversation
"BUZZ LIGHTYEAR???!?!?!"
"Yes, Buzz Lightyear."

"I would be so happy, so happy, I would poop."

Wait a second....

"what?"

Yep, that's what he said....

"You mean, like, you would be so happy you would poop in the potty, right?"
"right."

phew.

I can only come up with 2 reasons for this strangely funny comment from my 2 year old son.  He equates mommy's happiness of him pooping in the potty, with a high level of happiness.  Or, he would be so happy he would always poop in the potty--like a trade off.  However that comment came to be, I will laugh about it for a long time....when he is not looking of course--- ;)