Tears

Tears are a funny thing-- I can go weeks without shedding a one.  But, then there are times that I can't seem to skip a day from shedding a tear or two.  Tears are a cleansing way to refresh ones soul.  And, I have learned that, without a soft heart, it is hard to allow yourself to succumb to the release tears can offer you.

Today, I spent my first afternoon with my son in the ER.  A neighborhood puppy knocked him down, and he hit the back of his head-- and you know how those heads can bleed.  He was scared, and I was scared.  I cannot stand to see my babies hurting, and I cannot stand not being in control of the situation.  I kept my cool, scooping him up and holding him tight--whispering softly to calm him down. 

As we tried to get it cleaned up enough so we could see what kind of gash we were looking at--  emotions were running high.  Jaxen was still scared, shaking and crying, Alexis was nervous and worried, and I was overwhelmed with emotion. 

I wanted to hold Alexis, and comfort her as she was worried for her brother, to tell her everything would be alright.  Instead I had to hold Jaxen close to me, and simply wink at her- letting her know with a simple gesture that mommy had it under control.  Inside, I felt like the control I had on the situation was gaining, but the control I had on my emotions was quickly slipping. 

I held Jaxen while trying to keep his head down, and let Daddy clean it-- I couldn't bare to look yet, because I am nothing short of a coward, when it comes to my children being hurt.  I literally shudder, thinking about looking at it as I write this.  I don't prefer looking at wounds--but, could honestly say that most wounds on other people don't phase me, but when it is your baby, everything changes. 

I tried to joke and keep Jaxen's mind off of the situation--and then it started...tears.  I had been keeping it together, holding it together for Alexis, for Jaxen, for Kyle, for the neighbors that came over to check on Jaxen, and for me...and then  I couldn't.  I didn't sob, I just allowed warm tears to fall, reminding me that it is okay to hurt for your babies. 

Sure, I thought that it may scare my kids that their mommy was crying, but it is also important for them to know--that mommy doesn't always have it under control, and sometimes I am scared and worried.  But, that together we can work through it--and we did.  I am sure that there will be many more times that we find ourselves in the ER with our son--and there will be even more times that we have to face things together, where tears will fall.  I just pray that my heart remains soft enough, to allow those tears to come. 

Jaxen wound up getting his head glued back together, at the ER-- and he was a very brave boy.   I was so proud of his fearlessness.  I am also thankful for the concerned neighbors and a "calm," grandma on the phone.  She kept me calm, (afterall, she raised a very similar boy, and is a nurse)--even though I know, after I hung up with her she probably shed a tear or two too.  It's what we do. 

Daddy Love

I know it's important for our kids to spend quality time with both their mom and dad, but often times I am the one who gets the quality time with the kids.  My DH is working and when he is at home, so is mom--so, the kids tend to cling to the one they have been with all day. 

Last night, it was ladies night at one of our friends homes--so I went and stayed for a few hours, and past the kids' bedtime.  Daddy was in charge for dinner, for play and for the goodnight kisses.  Because I have such a great husband, I never felt guilty about not being home, or worried that he wouldn't get the, "job done."
I came home to a quiet house, and had a chance to talk to my husband before we  both went to bed.  He had enjoyed his evening, ordered pizza, had a tickle fight, and watched a movie with the babies. 

It was not until this morning, that I realized how much the kids need and want that special daddy-time.  Alexis woke up, happy to see her daddy.  She woke up wanting to cuddle and read with him.  She kissed him goodbye, and watched as he drove away, not able to tear her eyes away from him, for as long as she could see him.  She also, hasn't stopped talking about him, since he left. 

I KNEW that the time with her daddy did wonders for her soul.  It did  wonders for her daddy's soul too- because he wanted to sit and read with her, he wanted an extra hug goodbye, he couldn't stop telling her, how much he loved her.  Don't get me wrong- they have always loved time together, and loved each other.  But, somehow this quality time together, refreshed their love for each other somehow. 

Love between 2 people, is like silver-- It is always silver, although without the time invested in keeping it shiny--it becomes dingy.  We all are guilty of letting our love become dingy, when life gets busy.  But, I am glad that it is never too hard to get back that shine.  And, yes--I do believe they were both "shining" with love this morning for one another--

I am thankful to be married to a daddy who takes time for his daughter, and loves his wife and children with everything he has-because it is from her daddy, that she will learn how she should be treated one day.

Perfect for Me

As our wedding anniversary and Thanksgiving approaches this month, I feel really inspired to write about my loving husband.  I am a very blessed wife and mother- because of him.  We have been through some very tough spots, -- but, we held out and held on to one another.  We don't believe in giving up, and we don't expect that marriage is easy.

I am thankful that my husband is supportive and encouraging to me in whatever I decide to do-- he literally just wants me to be happy.  He doesn't resent me for wanting to stay at home with the kids, nor does he wish it were different.  He doesn't pressure me into doing what he wants, or even what he thinks is best--instead, he respects my decisions and feelings.  He does not tell me what to do, who to be friends with (even after I have thrown a little bitty fit about a friend), when to cook for dinner, or how much to spend on my hair ;).  He loves me and treats me with the same respect when he comes home to a perfectly clean house/grilled steak/quiet kids as he does when I have spent the day shopping and the house is a mess.

I know that this should be the norm for marriages, but it all honesty it isn't...and that is why I consider myself to be one of the "lucky" ones.  After being home all day with kids, he can look at me and know that I need a mommy time-out, spent at Target.  He encourages me to spend time with friends, encourages me to be a better person, and encourages me to take care of me.  I am thankful every single day for a man who can be so loving and caring towards the woman who can buy every pair of shoes she comes across ;p.

I also have to mention his ability to cook a mean gourmet dinner, pick the perfect bottle of wine and do any handiwork around the house or car---he never minds watching the kids for me, or the kid of a friend who I want to spend girl-time with.

Now, all that being said--like any person, he is not perfect--so, don't read this and then go tell your own husband what he should or shouldn't be.  We do argue, we do know how to push each other's buttons, and we both have our flaws---but, he is PERFECT for ME--and that is all I could ever hope for.

Happy Anniversary to my Perfect Husband-- I love you and I love the life we have created together.