Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Bye-bye Baby

 I know my 2 children will always be my babies, but when is someone's baby, no longer a baby?

My youngest, is just about to turn 3- and I have been thinking about this a lot lately.  I love so many things about his baby-self,  including his round little face, his hand dimples, and the sweet way he talks.  So, as these things start to disappear, I wonder if my baby is disappearing also. 

Sure I will be proud when he can say "yogurt," instead of "ogurt" but-- a part of my heart will also break.  His accomplishments, are steps to him becoming a, "big boy," and that is the scariest part for me.

When I look down at his hands, and there are knuckles where his hand dimples used to be, I think I might actually cry.  These are all small changes, that happen overtime-- but the end result is the bittersweet reality I am not ready to face.   Because, I can't bare the thought of him not wanting to "nuggle" me in the mornings or bare the thought of him not wanting my hugs and kisses. 

Don't get me wrong- I do not miss the sleepless nights, the teething, the baby food, the diapers, the spitup and so on, and so on....

I just wish I could freeze time- my daughter could stay 4 and my son could stay 2 til the end of time...okay, maybe that's not such a good idea.  But, I just want to reiterate how fast time truly does go when raising children.  Which is my favorite quote remains to be, " The days are long, but the years are short." 

It could only have been a parent that wrote that-- and probably a mother.  Any mother knows how very long days can be with a cranky toddler or a colicky baby.  The patience it takes to get through one single day, as the laundry and dishes pile up, and you can't even fit in a 5 minute shower.  A day can seem to last forever-- but, even so- at the end of that day, while you lay in bed in the silence you have been praying for all realize how quickly the years are going by with your baby.  You see the time in fast forward- and all you can do is long to hold and be with that child that drove you crazy all day long.

So, I do what any mother would do-- I deprive myself of a little more sleep- so I can go stare at my sleeping baby, while they are still a baby. 

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