Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Lately, I have been dreaming...more like daydreaming.  It is constantly in my thoughts and never far from my mind.

This daydream is of a baby girl.  She has a name, and she is ours.  It is a sister for Alexis and Jaxen--and I can't get her out of my mind.  I reason her away most days-- but, she sneaks in there whenever she gets the chance. 

I convince myself, even if we tried to have her--she'd probably not be a she, but a he.  Or, there'd be two of her--then what?  So, I guess fear of the unknown keeps me from chasing this daydream. 

Am I crazy?  Will I daydream of a baby for the rest of my life--would I be satisfied if this baby were born to us? 

More kids equal needing more room, and the money split between one more child.  More kids means starting over, from the baby stage.

The hardest part for me, is that she has a name this time....I can't get that name out of my mind....

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